Has a Midlife Crisis Consumed Your Spouse?
“THIS IS NOT THE PERSON I MARRIED!”
It’s as if it happened overnight – and you never saw it coming. If your spouse has seemingly become a different person overnight and is now acting in a way that is the OPPOSITE of the man or woman you once knew…you need to watch this video to understand what’s going on with your spouse….
You’re dealing with a “Chaos Kid”, not a “normal” person anymore. Can it really be over after all these years? Watch this video to understand what’s going on with your spouse, then scroll down below to find out what you can do about it. A midlife crisis can last on average anywhere from 2 to 5 years, so if you’re fully committed and you really do want this man or woman in your life, you need a clear focus.
Are You Married to a “Chaos Kid”?
If your spouse has become a completely different person – what feels like overnight – you’re married to what I call a “Chaos Kid”. This is a man or a woman whose upbringing was traumatic, neglectful or chaotic. There are different degrees of neglect that create a Chaos Kid but the bottom line is this – conventional marriage advice will NOT work for a Chaos Kid.
A Chaos Kid is angry about their childhood and that childhood anger is now directed at you.
YOU have become the enemy.
It doesn’t matter how good or bad you’ve been as a husband or wife, if s/he was married to someone else, it would be the same story.
“I’m living proof it only takes ONE to heal a marriage”
– Marriage Expert & Author Larry Bilotta
The 5 Rules of a Chaos Kid
When Chaos Kids enter a midlife crisis, they have nothing to give. They only take during this time. It’s as if they are a teenager again. The midlife crisis theme revolves around one word – SELFISHNESS.
In this hostile environment, you must become you at your best to avoid pushing them away. Gifts, cards, kind words, notes and affection only add fuel to the fire.
mixed signals
They say what they don’t mean and what they mean, they don’t say.
selfish
They believe THEIR needs are more important than yours.
imposter
They sell themselves as somebody they’re not.
you are the enemy
Any good thing you do or say, they see as a threat.
unhappy
They want what they can’t have, and what they have, they don’t want.
Traditional Advice Backfires
Virtually every spouse I’ve talked to over the past 20+ years has tried to convince their spouse not to leave through the following methods:
1) Begging and pleading
2) Getting family members to do the convincing
3) Urging or even threatening their leaving spouse to get marriage help.
The sad fact is, none of this urgency works. Why? It’s because there is an emotional set of steps that your spouse has steadily been traveling down.
As he or she moves down that path, you are unaware it’s happening or at best, you simply deny that it’s all that serious. Since over 80% of divorces are filed by women, this is mostly a man phenomenon. Men are the last to wake up and when they do, their wives say the phrase “too little too late.”
What Should I Do Instead?
I’ll some it up in two words – stay CALM. This means NO tension, pressure, or anxiety. The reason marriages go from bad to worse is because of the high TENSION in both spouses.
This anxious energy is like two opposing forces, each intensifying the other.
By calm, I mean relaxed, careful, thoughtful, low pressure, gentle, pleasant and friendly. Think of how you felt on your first date.
No expectations, no demands.
Your spouse is struggling with intense, uncontrollable emotions that can lead to unpredictable behavior and hostility. Even a minor disagreement or perceived slight can quickly escalate into a heated argument. Afterward, they may withdraw emotionally, sometimes for an extended period.
To maintain peace and avoid further escalation, it’s crucial to avoid from any criticism, condemnation, or complaint, no matter how small during this time.
I Know What You’re Thinking
“Don’t criticize my spouse? Easier said than done. That’s practically impossible when I’m being attacked at every turn!”
I hear this reaction often from students in my Environment Changer course. When I suggest avoiding criticism, they often respond, “But Larry, how can I stay calm when my partner is tearing our family apart?”
If you believe it’s impossible to stay calm and avoid criticism, you’re essentially saying you can’t control your own emotions. Your partner is in a LOT of pain right now (more than you realize), so it’s up to you to save your family.
Controlling your emotions isn’t easy. I know this firsthand. After 27 years of a miserable marriage, I discovered a secret that helped me eliminate negative feelings and transform my relationship.
If you’re ready to break free from the emotional rollercoaster and regain control of your life, watch this video to learn the foundational principles.
This is not your fault, but it is your journey. Take charge of it and create a life that brings you happiness.
Ready to Save Your Marriage?
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Find peace within yourself, no matter what life throws your way.
Rebuild your relationship, stronger than ever before & shorten your spouses’ midlife crisis.
Conquer anxiety, fear, and overwhelm.
Provide emotional security for your children, even in turbulent times.