A common question I receive from couples and individuals is, “What is the ONE thing I can do to improve my marriage as soon as possible?”
I work separately with husbands and wives who are at their wits end on how to rescue their struggling marriage. It’s in these highly stressful marriages that individual spouses need to learn how to transform their environment from the inside out so they can positively affect their leaving spouse without that spouses’ participation.
And that’s exactly what my students are able to do each day through my Environment Changer program. It is in this system, that students follow a very specific plan that shows them how to eliminate their negative feelings the moment they appear.
After all, it’s your negative feelings that add fuel to the fire and make bad situations even worse!
Troubled marriages produce a bi-product called TENSION. It’s this constant tension that creates all that intensity and urgency that’s tearing your family apart.
What you really need is one skill and that skill is learning to eliminate your negative feelings in 60 seconds in spite of your very tense circumstances.
(Notice I said eliminate negative feelings, not stuff.)
Once you learn this skill, you’ll find, like virtually everyone who learns this, that your spouse feels the change – even from far away.
It’s simple. Think of it this way.
When your marriage is in trouble, the two of you are full of this continuous tension that pours out of both of you. It creates this spinning cycle of anger, bitterness and resentment to the point where you can no longer talk, you can’t relate, you can’t forgive, – you can hardly live.
Now think back for a moment to the time when you first fell in love and you’ll remember there was NO tension between you. Tension is the foundation of the death of your marriage.
Eliminate it and you begin to move back to where you wanted to be in the first place.
If you follow my work with couples, you’ll hear me make that eliminate your negative feelings in 60 seconds statement, but what I’m really telling you is that you must eliminate the tension inside of you because it only takes one to get the ball rolling before you start seeing an improvement in your marriage.
Now think about this for a second.
What if you COULD ELIMINATE that tension in yourself completely and replace it with a feeling that was calm and secure…so much that you suddenly feel safe with each other again? Imagine how you would relate to your tense spouse then?
He or she would not be able to MAKE you feel bad anymore because your tension would be gone.
Your self-confidence and a warm feeling toward your spouse would begin to grow.
It’s not enough to TELL your spouse that you are a changed person. That means nothing. What your spouse wants is a change in the feeling, the vibe you give off. The problem is that you don’t know how to do that because you don’t understand how human beings are wired.
Why would your spouse want to walk out on a level-headed, calm, kind and rational person who has no tension?
I teach this skill to all my Environment Changer students, but you can begin to learn the basics here.
Above all else, eliminating your tension is the ONE thing you can do to dramatically improve your marriage.
For more tips on improving your marriage, sign up for my free, Top 20 Questions video series where I answer your top 20 questions on marriage problems.
