Most emotional affairs start out as an innocent friendship. You see each other often, go out to lunch every now and then, share your thoughts and feelings with each other…so where’s the harm in that?
For starters, just like a drug…emotional affairs can be ADDICTING.
It’s true. There is actually a powerful hormone released during sexual attraction. It has been scientifically proven that this “mating chemical” seems to be released as an “insurance policy” for the continuation of the race.
The “addiction” of an emotional affair begins when you start to think about this other person, even when they’re not around. You count the hours until you’re together again. You’re hooked!
Take a look at the following list of feelings that are typical in an emotional affair….
- I feel loved
- I feel accepted
- I feel important
- I feel understood
- He/she laughs at my jokes
- Encourages me to do what I am good at
- Notices my accomplishments
- Physically attractive
- Allows me to be who I am
- I can say anything without being judged
- I feel content and comfortable
- I’m very excited about meeting again for more
With all this in mind, what do you think the chances are of two people feeling this way about each other for an entire lifetime?
That’s right…slim to none!
After all, an emotional affair is really just an illusion, a fantasy – a DRUG.
Let’s take a closer look at what the true definition of ‘drug’ REALLY is…
DRUG: “Often an illegal substance that causes addiction, habituation, or a marked change in consciousness.”
Up until now, when someone mentions the word “drug”, you immediately think of the illegal substances that people go to jail for. But according to the above definition, a drug is an “illegal substance that causes ADDICTION, habituation or a marked change in CONSCIOUSNESS.”
Of course an emotional affair is not technically “illegal”, but if you’re married and pursuing an emotional affair, you’re acting “illegally” because you’re breaking the moral law of the legal institution of marriage.
And add to this, the fact that there IS a change in consciousness going on here. Your perception of this other person is inaccurate because of the hormone that’s released during sexual attraction.
The truth is, when you’re under the influence of this drug; this emotional affair, the two of you may fantasize about your beautiful future together but one thing is certain….
You do NOT talk about reason, facts, reality, responsibility and life as it actually is. These topics are ‘off limits’ when you’re “drugged” by an emotional affair.
But here’s what’s really ironic…
You get all the short-term benefits of the wonderful drug-induced feelings during an emotional affair, but even if you were to leave your spouse and marry this other person, you’d wind up in the same place you are right now…married and miserable.
To put it bluntly, if you choose to marry or get involved with someone based on how they make YOU feel “in the moment”, you’re setting yourself up for failure.
During an emotional affair, there is no discussion of each other’s values, habits or beliefs….in other words, the foundation of a strong relationship.
Yes, you may have SOME things in common, but the fact is; you’re putting your marriage in jeopardy based on the short-term feelings that this ‘drug’ creates.
You’re putting your family at risk because you think this other person can meet your needs better than your spouse does.
Now don’t get me wrong, this article is NOT meant to lecture you in any way. I completely understand that you feel you’ve been driven to this emotional affair by the person you married.
And I agree; it’s not 100% your fault. You expected to get married and have all your needs met. But to your surprise, your needs were NOT met, but instead neglected, ignored and ridiculed.
You may even feel as if this emotional affair is like taking a vacation from the Hell you’ve been forced to live in. You just want relief – you want to feel loved. But who could blame you? Doesn’t everyone want to be happy?
With that said, you still need to face reality and find a way to stay married AND get your needs met too….or you’ll end up in this same predicament down the road.
After all, marriage shouldn’t be all about dull and boring life routines like laundry, breakfast and car repairs. You need to get your marriage back to the way it was when the two of you first met.
You can start by understanding the REAL reason the two of you are fighting and drifting apart more and more each day.
Once you’ve done that, you need to learn how to control that “little voice inside your head” that tells you your spouse is “the enemy”. To do this, learn how to break free from your negative feelings…fast.
You’ve probably noticed that your spouse has this “little voice” problem too, but so does the person you’re having an emotional affair with….you just don’t see it right now because you’ve been “drugged” by that emotional affair.
Just remember, your emotional affair is a drug….it is NOT reality. So what’s stopping you from getting your marriage back to the way it was when you first met? You can make those wonderful drug-induced feelings a REALITY between you and your spouse when you start learning these two skills.
