Want to improve your marriage without talking about it?
Sounds impossible, I know.
I work separately with husbands and wives who are at their wits end on how to rescue their struggling marriage. It’s in these highly stressful marriages that individual spouses are often blindsided by their spouse’s desire to leave the marriage.
“I love you, but I’m not in love with you.
“My heart hasn’t been in it for awhile now.”
“You treat me like a child. I never loved you.”
Hurtful “reasons” like this might make no sense right now. One day you’re planning family vacations, the next, your life partner wants to end your marriage.
But what you don’t know, is what’s going on behind the scenes. Something darker. Something deeper. I’m not talking about an affair either.
In all failing marriages, at least one spouse experienced some type of abandonment, trauma, abuse or neglect during childhood.
And the problem is, this pain doesn’t just go away.
It was supressed back when you first fell in love. Even your partner might’ve thought, well, that’s all in the past now.
But the truth is, childhood pain ALWAYS. COMES. BACK. It comes back with a vengence often in the form of a midlife crisis (ages 40 to 55) or even quarter life crisis (mid 20’s to early 30’s).
Fortunately, despite popular opinion – it only takes ONE person to heal a marriage.
Yes, you read that right. 🙂
In my Environment Changer program, I teach students a proven method to identify the specific factors that contributed to their divorce and provide actionable steps for moving forward as a family.
A critical part of this process begins with getting your emotions in check. After all, it’s your negative feelings that add fuel to the fire and make BAD situations even worse!
Understanding and managing your emotions is key to healing your relationship. By learning to control these emotions, you’ll notice a positive shift in your relationship, even from a distance.
The reason for this is because troubled marriages produce a bi-product called TENSION. It’s this constant tension that creates all that intensity and urgency that’s tearing your family apart.
It’s simple. Think of it this way.
When your marriage is in trouble, the two of you are full of this continuous tension that pours out of both of you. It creates this spinning cycle of anger, bitterness and resentment to the point where you can no longer talk, you can’t relate, you can’t forgive, – you can hardly live.
Now think back for a moment to the time when you first fell in love and you’ll remember there was NO tension between you.
Tension is the foundation for the death of your marriage.
Eliminate it and you can begin to heal yourself and ultimately, heal your marriage.
Watch the video below for a high level overview of how this works.
Now think about this for a second.
Imagine a life free from internal tension, where you feel calm and secure, no matter the circumstances. Replace anxiety, fear, and anger with confidence, certainty, and a positive mindset.
It’s not enough to TELL your spouse that things will be different. In fact, doing so will backfire.
Why? Because words means nothing at this point.
The only thing a leaving spouse responds to is change in the way they feel around you when you’re in the same room – and no one is saying a word.
Ask yourself – how would you feel now? TENSE? Awkward? Uncomfortable?
This unspoken energy is pushing your spouse away. It’s what keeps you up at night and haunts you throughout the day.
I know it all feels like a bad dream right now that you desperately want to be over, but when you understand how human beings are wired, your perspective suddenly…SHIFTS.
I teach this skill to my Environment Changer students, but you can begin to learn the basics here.
Above all else, eliminating your tension is the ONE thing you can do to dramatically improve your marriage – and your relationship with your spouse in general.
For more tips on improving your marriage, get my free guide 7 Ways You’re Pushing Your Spouse (Even Further) Away. Don’t let these 7 mistakes destroy your marriage.
Free Midlife Crisis Resource
If you suspect your spouse is experiencing a midlife crisis, get the free class Unlocking the Midlife Crisis: Understanding the Chaos Kid Phenomenon.
