If you search for the term recipe for a happy marriage, you’ll find all sorts of cutesy wedding sites listing actual “recipes” for a happy marriage. You’ll find ‘ingredients’ like “1 cup courtesy”, a dash of humor, a sprinkle of in-laws and so on.
In an idealistic world, you could pass a recipe for a happy marriage on to friends who would put it together and ‘create’ a happy marriage. But of course this world is not ideal. What most people are probably searching for is actually more of an “action plan”…than a recipe.
Action plans are different than recipes. They are personalized…like a blueprint. If you’re really looking for an action plan, then great – I’ll lay it on the table for you.
(But I’m sorry to say, I don’t do recipes – Actually, I can’t even cook! 😉
Your Marriage Action Plan
This recipe for a happy marriage is based on the program I developed that helps individuals and couples stop a divorce – even AFTER the papers have been filed.
The Secret Path to Divorce
After working with couples for over 12 years, I noticed a pattern that ALL couples travel when they are headed toward divorce. I call this ‘pattern’ The Secret Path to Divorce. It starts with a couple entering a marriage with Ultimate Expectations of each other and ends with a frustrated man or woman crossing the “Point of No Return”.
So the first action to take is to:
1. Determine whether or not you can save your marriage.
…and…
2. Find out exactly WHERE you are on this dangerous path.
Even if you’ve crossed the “Point of No Return”, it is NOT too late to save your marriage. I believe a marriage is not over until BOTH spouses have given up. It is up to you to see if you are in it for the long haul or if you’re ready to throw in the towel. This free report will help you decide.
Get the 10-page Special Report FREE here.
Which “Country” Are You From?
I know, I know, you’re probably thinking, “Huh? What does my country have to do with my marriage? Well let me tell you….EVERYTHING. But it’s NOT the kind of country you’re thinking of.
You see, over the years, I’ve discovered that there are 4 different kinds of people in the world. I’ve created a PDF file for you to download so you can get a better understanding of each of the 4 countries.
I drew each of the characters myself based on 27 years of researching these people. Once you know what to look for, you’ll be identifying the countries of your family, friends and coworkers. It’s a quick and easier way to understand people.
You can download the 4 Country Card here.
I’ll go into a brief description of each of the 4 countries, but if you want the WHOLE story, you can read about it in my book Softhearted Woman Hard World.
I have every couple read this book that I take through the Environment Changer program because of the positive results this book has shown in helping caring, compassionate and sensitive women get along with their strong-willed, direct and impatient husbands.
(It also works for the opposite scenario too. A strong-willed wife and a laid back, sensitive husband.)
Okay, back to the 4 countries…
Let’s start with FUN Country
People from FUN country smile often, are VERY sociable and need to go out and do something with people instead of staying home alone.
What causes conflict in their marriages– One issue that causes conflict in FUN people’s marriages is when they marry someone who is NOT social. If you ARE married to someone from FUN country, realize that they NEED to be around people.
Don’t be offended that they would rather go out with friends than stay at home and watch a movie with you. THIS IS THEIR NATURE…it’s what makes them happy.
Another area of conflict is that FUN people seem to be irresponsible. This creates resentment in their spouse because they feel the “burden of responsibilities” is entirely on them.
Next is CONTROL country
These people are very direct and to the point when they talk. It’s difficult for them to listen if they feel someone isn’t getting to the point. They are results driven and put great value in accomplishment. They are often great leaders…when others choose to follow them.
What causes conflict in their marriages– Because CONTROL people tend to be impatient; they can become angry when their spouse doesn’t do things as quickly as they’d like….or the way they would like.
If you’re married to someone from CONTROL country, GIVE THEM APPRECIATION for all they do. One Important Note: ASK them to do things. Don’t TELL them. (Believe me, my wife was from CONTROL country and she HATED when people told her to do things, she’d much rather be ASKED.)
People from PEACE country
These people avoid conflict at all costs and want very much to get along with everyone. You can identify these people easily because the expression on their face rarely changes. PEACE people are happier with a quiet evening than a night on the town.
What causes conflict in their marriages– PEACE people plan what they’re going to do before jumping into an activity. If you’re married to one of these people and you like to be spontaneous rather than planning your every move, you’ll end up upsetting your spouse.
Their reaction won’t be yelling though. Instead, they will either walk away or simply ignore you. In fact, that’s a common problem PEACE people face in their marriages – their spouse wants to deal with issues on the spot and head on, while PEACE people would rather avoid conflict altogether.
Finally…PERFECT country
No, they are not “perfect.” Everyone from PERFECT country is still “human” but these people are in the endless pursuit of perfection. Perfect country residents NEED sensitivity to their feelings.
What causes conflict in their marriages– PERFECT people have strong ideals and the desire for things to be RIGHT. If things go wrong, they can get quite upset. Since PERFECT people are easily hurt by the most innocent comments, they tend to remember negative events for extended periods of time.
So when they marry someone from CONTROL country who might be very direct in their language, they often struggle with issues over the PERFECT person’s sensitivity level vs. the CONTROL person’s insensitivity to his/her spouses’ feelings.
Here’s the point: If conflict is an everyday occurrence in your marriage, step back and think about WHY these arguments are happening in the first place. Remember, the 4 countries are very different. The quickest way to resolve these conflicts is to ask yourself these questions:
1. What country is my spouse is from?
2. What are the REAL issues in our marriage?
3. Could this conflict be happening because the two of us don’t understand each other’s countries, values and ways?
Break Free From Your Negative Thoughts
I wrote an ebook that lays the foundation for what it takes to eliminate your negative feelings in 60 seconds. It is negative emotions that drive marital conflict more than anything else. It’s similar to two high powered fans blowing against each other. When you turn one fan off, the other fan has nothing to resist against.
Leaving spouses who want to end the marriage, who are so far along on the Secret Path to Divorce, can’t even bring themselves to take the first step in improving their marriage. If this is true of your situation, the Environment Changer program can help you transform your marriage, even when your spouse is completely unwilling to participate in any way.
No long counseling sessions, no “stress relieving drugs”, just the same, simple tools and techniques that I used to save my own marriage.
For more information on how it’s possible for one spouse to save a marriage without the participation from their wife or husband, learn more about this approach.
